“Remember this!”

Communion at our church, St. Paul’s of Newport, Kentucky, was moving along smoothly last Sunday. Suddenly, I had a flashback—one of those terrible returns to the past. Maybe it was the slight smell of wine sniffed as I “took the Cup” proffered by our Rector.

I fought the coming recollection but to no avail. Visions started to zoom through my brain and they weren’t visions of comfort and joy or meditation. No, my mind was in the process of pointing out to me one of those twists in our path as we worked the Program. Yes, my mind started to focus on one of those shameful “evenings before & mornings after,” but that morning I had been greeted by words of comfort and joy in the sermon and the beautiful forgiving words of the Book of Common Prayer. With that, this approaching horrific vision of our alcoholic vanished.

Whenever this happens, and it’s rare when it appears, I look at it as if my Higher Power is telling me,

“Now Jim, don’t get all down in the dumps on Me. Remember where you came from and the path you walked as you entered and worked the Program. Those days of rage are long gone.”

But, I believe we need to be reminded of the importance of “remembering those days of rage,” at least a bit of them.

I pause, smile and recall that first AA meeting of others reaching out and offering assistance. I remember, as if it were yesterday, the first time I said anything publicly at a discussion meeting, the spirits of joy at those Thanksgiving banquets, and so much more.

When one of these visions rears its ugly head and starts to come back, I acknowledge the past but remember anew that I have been blessed by the Grace of the Program and a feeling of gratitude casts its marvelous cover! These occasional dark reflections of the past are closed off and we receive the wonderful reminder of a message of recovery we are blessed to carry.

JRA/St. X, Noon, Cincinnati.