What did? My discomfort with myself. There was no reason causing me to go back to depression’s old feeling, lack of self-worth, the “poor me’s” of feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes, like today, there’s no warning, just a quiet sadness sneaking over me. And, there is no question in my mind that in the old days, my abuse of substances was used to cover it up, to feel better, to hide my depressive feelings.  Of course, back in those thrilling days of yesteryear, many times, round-robin-like, my addiction itself caused and supported my depression.

Today, it’s a different story. I had jumped off that merry-go-round several years ago. I had learned my lesson. Depressed when I came to the Program? You bet! But the Program didn’t leave me hanging. It provided a means to wrestle with that dark cloud and escape unharmed.

It was hard to learn that lesson. But, at discussion meetings I learned that a person in recovery shouldn’t just sit there and do nothing. “Oh no.” I was told to “Do Something, don’t just sit there on your pity-pot, get into action!” ”To do what?” I’d ask, and the groups would say, “Here’s a bundle of action steps:”

“Take your inventory, get to a discussion meeting every day, help set up the meeting, talk to a newcomer, provide service work at the AA clubhouse, give a lead at a private treatment center or a court-supervised program, get outside your own self, take a measure of your gratitude for the Program. You’ re a lucky one. With the right hand of your Higher Power, work on the positive aspects of life.”

Sometimes all of us really do have serious problems made worse by our addiction. There’s no easy answer for those, but there is a Program suggestion. Just get into action with your sponsor or a person who has faced similar issues. How did they work through that stuff? Find a way to rid yourself of the problem, whatever it takes to get a fresh start. Maybe you can’t do it all at once, but make a “to-do” list and set reasonable goals to clean it up, and “start the cleanup.”

Depression and allied mental issues are complicated. Sometimes, recovery requires professional assistance and medication. The problems may be of long duration and it may take a good deal of time and work with a professional to control those feelings. By all means, don’t try the easy road of self-medication of alcoholism.

Above all, don’t drink, go to meetings, reach out to others and don’t feel sorry for yourself. Look for solutions! And don’t despair. Many in the Program have encountered depression and have worked through its effects. And, by all means, Keep Coming Back!

Jim A – St X Noon, Cincinnati, OH