It’s noon of that “day after” we all have faced when our brain was fuzzy and we found ourselves ashamed of our alcoholic conduct, as usual. We know our son feels the same this morning.

What should you as a solid member of Alcoholics Anonymous say about your son’s repetitive drunken experiences? You certainly don’t want to “fly off the handle” and make your son feel worse and more ashamed. Don’t lose your temper. Remember, he is an addict, he’s sick, and he can’t control his drinking. All he knows is drinking to hide behind his drinking.

Say nothing about his behavior patterns with alcohol and, if at all, not until you have done your homework on the nature and details of that conversation. Why? Because someone else may be “a better first contact” with the Program.

Put yourself in his position when you were showing up drunk. Would you have reacted positively to yet another shaming lecture from your parent? Would you have said, “O.K. Dad, let’s go to a meeting. Thanks for taking me!” No, perhaps he just used your shouting and anger as an excuse: “You’d drink too if you had my Dad …”

No, you the father, and long-term member of the Program, need to stop. There are many ways to deal with this but there is no “one process does it all.” Your quest is to find what works best for him, not you!

So, call your sponsor and discuss what to do. Grab the Big Book and re-read chapter 7, “Working with Others.” Get to a meeting of your home group and bring it up for discussion.  Perhaps the first thing is to get to an Al Anon meeting. There you will find people who have been where you are right now -- who observed loved ones drinking excessively and recklessly. Other good steps are having lunch with 2 or 3 old timers and find out what has been their experience. Perhaps your home discussion group includes a young person who relates to what your son is experiencing. Find out how his entry into the Program or first discussions about his disease of alcoholism came about. And there are professional organizations, treatment centers and hospital rehab opportunities.   

Why all the caution? Simple. An approach to your son not carefully thought through with the people who know “how to do it” can imprint a horrible event on his mind wrecking any possibility of a decision to deal with his disease until a later date -- “I’ll show em! I’ll quit myself! I’m not an alcoholic or addict.” Then you’ll find the progressive nature of the disease has won again and doing “something about your disease” is put off and off, perhaps to the even worse consequence than is apparent today. It only gets worse. It never gets better or goes away by itself.

So, “What do I say to him the ‘morning after?’ Nothing. Just get to a meeting of your home group and to Al Anon and get the facts and assistance you will need. That way you have a better chance of assisting with saving the life of your son.

Jim A/ St. X Noon, Cincinnati