“I now realize that my former prejudice against clergymen was blind and wrong. They have kept alive through the centuries a faith which might have been extinguished entirely. They pointed out the road to me, but I did not even look up. ….the man who showed me the truth was a fellow sufferer and a layman. Through him I saw at last, and I stepped from the abyss to solid ground…” *

As I read this text, I realized that, even as a clergyperson, I too was prejudiced against clergymen. I pointed the finger at those whose behavior attracted attention. I avoided those whose deep spiritual life saw through my shallowness. I saw myself as one of the “new breed of priests” who understood how to be “one with the people.” I had no problem having a drink in a bar. At weddings and parties, I had no problem getting up to dance. “I didn’t make a fool of myself in public.”

I had read a lot about spirituality. I could teach classes on it. In treatment I was fascinated by the Chaplin who picked up a small bible, read a paragraph, and then delivered a brief talk that I never would have seen in it. When it came to doing my fifth step, I was informed I was to do it with the chaplain. I wanted to choose the priest I wanted to “confess” to. Then I realize the chaplain’s boss and mine was the same person. I rewrote my fourth step as I did not wish to tell him everything in case he’d tell the boss I was not fit to return to work. On the other hand, in his office, I learned much about him from his library to tell me he was more open minded than I considered him to be.

Going to AA meetings, reading the big book and 12X12, I believed I would be of great help to “these people” given my background as a priest and addictions counselor. I was asked to chair meetings. I was asked to tell my story. I was taken out on twelfth step calls. I make myself believe that this was because I was so good as a speaker, that I was so knowledgeable. I really knew a lot – just like a computer – but I had no idea as to the depth of the program or how the disease had impacted my life. I could recall incidents that I could share and I could shed tears because I did feel ashamed, but it was short lived.

Two men choose to sponsor me and I was unaware of what they were doing . They would not let me go on the Speaker circuit because, as they said, "You have a big ego and it will kill you." I had nothing in common with these two men and yet I found myself listening to them, doing what they told me to do.

After four and a half years I had a Spiritual Awakening that changed my whole life. I came to understand that I am an alcoholic; that I am a drug addict; that I am in recovery. Now the path was open for me to learn. I learned that I did make a fool of myself and in public. I embarrassed my friends and they were too embarrassed to tell me what I did and for that I am grateful. I listened to lay men and women and learned about a Power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity. I listened to lay men and women and learned about spirituality in a way I never thought of before.

As I listened to the men and women in a variety of groups, I learned I am “one of them” -I belong here - and for this, today, I am grateful. Today, I am grateful for the men and women who have carried this message for many years. I am grateful for the men and women who shared with me their experience, strength, and hope and that I was able to hear it clearly enough to finally appreciate its depth and in so doing made me a better layperson and, today, a better priest.

Jesus did not baptize or ordain anyone. He sent lay men and women out with a message of love, forgiveness, and compassion. As religion became organized, it almost lost the basic story which was saved by a humble clergyperson along with lay men and women who understood it and, when the time was right, created a twelve-step program to highlight the spirituality of living, giving me a way of life to choose life and have it to the fullest.

*AS BILL SEES IT. 119

Séamus D
Greater New Orleans.