The Program as a Tool for Life. I sell myself short if I look only at the Program for its process of dealing with our addiction. It’s a marvelous set of ideas to get us through some days not directly involving our addiction that aren’t exactly what we wished. I can see myself sometimes slipping into a case of the “Poor-Me’s.” Life’s bumps seem to get the better of me. Downcast, angry, all the bad stuff we know and are ashamed we might once again slip back to the old ways. I need to grab myself and start a gratitude list —what a lucky soul am I, I have a way out of my dilemma through access to my Higher Power.

Friendships. Sure, we have old time friends from childhood, school, and work and merely traveling through 84 years of life. These folks may know us better than ourselves. Sometimes we acted with these acquaintances as they wished us to act, or at least as I thought they wished me to act. But often I hid—hid behind a false personality of the “happy go-lucky guy,” when on the inside I was empty, living without a spiritual base as one example. But the Program saved me. My Higher Power’s Grace reached across that gap with the help of all those new people I met at all those evening gatherings in church basements.

E-ze Duz it and Over-Reaction. A habit I dislike and wrestle with all the time. Something unexpected happens and disrupts what I see and the normal course of things. It’s the next 60 seconds when I over-react and it upsets me and those working with me. It disrupts my mental processes of how to solve the unexpected happening and it’s that weak impression I leave with spouse and children. It’s juvenile. It sends a message that I really am a 13-year-old dressed in clothing of an 84-year-old. It delays any thinking or action dealing with the problem. It may even destroy the ability or patience of others who give me a look of “I don’t need this nonsense” and walk away letting me stew in my own juices. Oh, for those first few minutes of quiet, maybe time enough for a humorous quick, “Well now. Whata’ we goina’ do?” Often, we know what went wrong and recall having fixed the same problem yesterday. It’s usually not the end of the world. Oh, for that 60 seconds. It may relate to our ever-present ego, “How dare that package break.” A loud “3XX0*&^ss2” often follows. “And that Thanksgiving jam spilled all over me!” That 60 seconds clouds everything, slows finding a solution quickly, and forces us to shamedly try to rehabilitate ourselves. People say, “Forget it,” etc. But we know the truth. As we couldn’t control our drinking, so we can’t, apparently, control personal habits like this 60 second issue. I must return to my Higher Power to find salvation.

Gratitude. In some ways, Gratitude is the glue that holds us all together at times of stress and self-pity. It draws us away for ourselves and pushes us to think of others—those in trouble with the law, a raving disease with no likelihood of a cure, a loss of a child. There is so much pain and suffering around us. How can we ignore it? So, we might make a list during a time of stress for us. But, isn’t the question, “What does this list ask of me?” Sure, a contribution helps. Maybe that gift would be better served by giving it to the person suffering and at risk. Offer to visit those confined to bed. Maybe check for possible errands you might run for the family. There are so many ways to respond to your gratitude list. And keep at it for sometimes the person suffering resists assistance … keep at it … maybe just show up someday (“I was in the neighborhood; thought I’d drop in for a second”).

In summary, all of this reminds me of the importance of “getting outside myself,” of thinking of others and being grateful for a Program that gives us a way to work through the ups and downs of life without escaping to drink to blank it from our minds. Instead, it gives us a way to take advantage of life’s bumps and carry a message of hope, kindness and the message of the Grace of our Higher Power who is always with all of us … always.

Jim A, 4:00, Wednesday, Lebanon OH