There are times when I wish I could remember “Christmas past.” Most of my drinking was blackout drinking. My daughter once said that my brain was made of Swiss cheese; it was full of holes. It’s true that there is much of my drinking life I do not remember and, what I do remember, is embarrassing, and shame filled.

I began drinking in seminary and my memory of this time of year is one of visiting friends in Dublin where there was a table set aside and loaded up with all sorts of alcohol. Oh, at that time, it was heaven to me.

I remember one Christmas when I took a bus to the center of town and walked the streets now empty of people except the few who were begging for money “for some food” but I knew they would use it for alcohol, and I gave it to them anyhow. Then I returned to my friend’s home and drank myself into oblivion while talking about “those poor alcoholics” on the street.

My heart goes out to those who do not remember the trail of sadness and sorrow they left behind them as they wrecked the family gathering and ‘came to’ in jail. It was not until they got into recovery that they were able to hear about their abusive and destructive past and are grateful for the ‘nudge from the judge’ who offered recovery as an option to jail.

The Christmas season is, without doubt, a difficult time for many of us in recovery. It is a time of togetherness and extra meetings, Christmas-eve midnight meetings, and all-night meetings filled with joy and the sharing of really good food and a wide array of mixed non-alcoholic drinks.

There are those who are recently separated, divorced, widowed and it’s their first Christmas alone, or alone with kids, and they are more than grateful for the support of the Fellowship to carry them through to the New Year. Then there’s the joy of welcoming the newcomer on Christmas-eve or Christmas day, who is in deep emotional pain and cannot fathom why the rest of us are laughing and having a good time.

Like the newborn child, we experience a new birth in recovery. Gratitude is new. Emotions are new. Honesty is new. Open-mindedness is new. Listening—really listening—to others is new. Like the newborn child, we are carried by the home-group until we find our feet and begin to think clearly for ourselves

Christmas can be “the most wonderful time of the year” despite the snow (or lack of it), the lack of sunlight, the ghosts of Christmas past, etc. The Christmas season is one of renewal, of coming together to celebrate our new life individually and together. We celebrate because we have been given a new lease on life which is the biggest present we ever received or will receive.

Like Scrooge, we can be brought back to our Christmas past and take an honest look at how we once behaved and the attitudes we carried, the contempt for others which was in fact a projection of our contempt for ourselves. The Ghost of Christmas present shows us that those who are less fortunate than ourselves can be happy because they accept their situation in life. The ghost of Christmas present shows us that presents and financial success is no guarantee of happiness

The ghost of ‘Christmas yet-to-come’ can be the most frightening as families struggle with being in debt; struggle to keep old traditions alive even as change in family situations change. Change is not always easy for the newly sober member.

Celebrating Christmas sober and serene is a gift. We may not recognize this gift at first but by our second and third Christmases, we will have seen how our past can help others, that we don’t have to worry about finances, that God is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves. This is our Christmas every day.

However we choose to celebrate this Christmas season—alone, with family, or at a fellowship meeting or two—let’s celebrate the occasion of new life as Moses told the people of Israel that God said: “Choose life that you and your descendants may live.” Choose life and live with every fiber of your being and love your neighbor as yourself. Live it one day at a time and know that you are a special gift to all from God.

We celebrate because we have been given a new lease on life which is the biggest present we ever received or will receive.