One of the gifts (of many) I have enjoyed in almost 37 years of sobriety is waking up daily with a song in my heart. Today it’s “Hard Hearted  Hannah,” last night it was “Holy, Holy, Holy. I can be all over the map of different artists and songs og “O Holy Night” and it does not have to be Christmas for me to love Ceylon’s version of this song. A walk with Jesus “In the Garden” or “Rollin on the River” has also been in my head and heart over the last few days.   

I am a deacon in the Episcopal Church. I entered seminary at 73, was ordained at 76 and I am about to retire at 87 having served my church for 11 years. How has this all happened? In 1986 on April the third, I fell on my knees in a chapel and asked God to teach me how to love him and others with my whole heart and soul. I had lost any part of me that knew how to love, and I despised myself. John, a very kind brother in the John of The Cross community who was an alcoholic, offered to help me. My plea was almost immediately answered by my Higher Power and the first thing I was taught was to work at loving me first.

He asked me to write something good about myself and I was not aware of anything good about me, so he gently started helping me with a list. Things I had forgotten about myself gave me a few threads to hold on to. I attended AA meetings in my area, found a sponsor, and the list of personal plaudits grew. My sponsor told me at one of my sessions he was going to teach me how to love another man. He introduced me to a group of guys that shared gratitude for something in their lives daily. I soon started to love those daily reminders of why I should be grateful for them and my Higher Power.

Fast forward, I met a deacon at my church who started questioning me about the deaconate and asked if I would be interested. By now I was in love with Christ and all that that love meant to me. I said to Jesus, if you want me to be a deacon, I will start the process and trust that if it is your will, nothing can stand in the way of your wishes. The rest is history.

What has happened to me from the time I knelt in chapel and begged God to intervene, to enter my life, and to teach me how to love again? My marriage almost ended because of alcoholism and is now headed into its 68th year. My children both love and admire me, my friends are like the sand particles on the beach, I am loved by many, and I know it. I love and I see Christ in almost everyone I meet. All because the people of AA brought me into their midst and tutored me. My church polished the work done by AA. I am grateful, eternally grateful. I will soon be going to the big meeting upstairs and I will find my son, who died of this disease, my mom, my dad, and countless kin and friends to greet me. What gifts that love gives!

My song today is “Joy to the world, all the boy and girls now, joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea and joy to you and me.”

Amen.