This is the newbie’s usual hedge. What did we really expect her to say? But with that half-surrender she still has a chance to find the way out of her downward slide. She probably at least understands her alcoholism will get worse, never better. But what’s your next step: say goodbye? Did you really expect her to cry-out, “Yes, I admit, admit, admit I’m an alcoholic and I don’t attach strings to that admission!”

So, if you are working with someone who hesitates, who wishes to engage in more fieldwork, guess what? There is only one response for you to pass along to this newbie: “surrender” itself can be viewed as a process but yes, it sure was an event for Bill W. in that hospital room when he “gave up.” But whatever, you just be patient. Keep in touch with her. Ask her to attend a couple meetings with you… no harm in asking. Try to get her to a discussion meeting, sometimes a regular straight drunk-a-log sheds light on her reluctance to surrender, and tell her, “Yes, it really does get that bad. It’s all out there for you to experience. Your choice.”

Another approach is gathering a couple of similarly situated people and take her to lunch. Listen to what’s she saying and feeling (how does she look, maybe hung-over?) The lunch isn’t a round-robin talk-a-thon about the evils of alcoholism. Hope for a real conversation with her. Get her talking. Is she playing games with you? Tell her a bit of your process and what made you undertake that 100% commitment. How’d you feel? Just remember that you are asking for major life-style changes. A life she has lived for years maybe very effectively, but deep down, she’s not so sure. Maybe all you get from lunch is, “So long, thanks, let me think about it.”

So, our reaction? It’s a simple, “Sure, we’ll be here. If you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, we’re here.”

Through talks like this, the old cry of “Stigma, Stigma, Stigma” may rear its ugly head. Ask her if the stupidity of others is to control her life. But fortunately, these stigma-days have passed. The dangers of alcoholism are spread widely. People know help is available and rare is the family that hasn’t personally experienced the ravages of the alcoholic or have seen the sorrow in others caused by the disease.

What’s Christ call to us: “I’m always there with you, always. It is just that simple. Even if you don’t want to accept my invitation, I’ll stick by you. You don’t earn my Grace and love, there’s no scorecard or a certain number of points needed. You’re never alone, like it or not. Remember the thief next to my cross? Grace overcame his humanity.”

So, remember, the Program is always available for the practicing alcoholic. If you like what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, come on, get to a meeting. It really does work if you work it for it provides a way to serenely live life understanding and dealing with its foibles, without alcohol.

—Jim A/Traditions, Lebanon