“Had I not been blessed with wise and loving advisers; I might have cracked up long ago…Many of my dearest A.A. friends have stood with me in exactly this same relation. Oftentimes they could help where others could not, simply because they were A.A.’s.”*

Bill was quite open with the fact that he needed help, socially, medically, mentally and spiritually. He acknowledges that “A doctor saved me once from death by alcoholism.” “a psychiatrist, later on helped me save my sanity…from a clergyman I acquired the truthful principles by which we AA’s now try to live.”

Bill has set a good example for all of us. I look back at my path to A.A. and see that I was confronted early in the disease process. I ignored it but never forgot it. At eleven o’clock on a Sunday morning, I was confronted and told “Seamus, you’re an alcoholic.” I told the individual “You should know, you’re one yourself.” He was, but he was also active in recovery.

For just over four years, I ran my own program doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons and was anything but happy. I went to therapists who were not in the program and, while they meant well, they missed—or it seemed to me later on—my conning them, my lies, justifications, excuses.

Then I went to a therapist who was “one of us.” Oops. She did not let me away with my con game and accepted no excuses. I had to be honest with myself, her, and everyone else. It’s not easy to be honest when you’ve hid behind a wall of lies and excuses. But, as scripture tells us, “The truth will set you free” (even if it is a pain in the derriere and heart).

All of that opened a door for me in meetings. I did not want to let people know that, when I was active as a priest, I was a black-out drinker and didn’t remember much of what I was told when I began to make amends. But this program demands rigorous honesty and so I began a new way of living—being honest with myself, and others.

No one said, “You shouldn’t have done that.” “You should have known better; you were a priest.” “How could you have done that with all your education.” What I got was a hug and told “keep coming back.”

There is a quality of life in A.A. that is different from any other group of people. We have to be honest if we are going to live—not just survive. As the program tells us; “We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that god is doing for us what we could not for ourselves.”(1)

I did not want to be in A.A. but, I wanted what you had and only AA people could offer me what I wanted. It was by invitation. “If you want what we have then…” Yes. I wanted what you had; the freedom to be and become who we were meant to be. I wanted the peace of mind that comes from living in the Slow lane; the joy of knowing I can make mistakes and it’s not the end of the world. I wanted the spirituality that helped me find a Higher Power and let me work through my negative religious beliefs and find a God of my understanding.

Only people active in A.A. understand the danger of “a bad day.” I was received as a priest into the Episcopal church. One Sunday, as I stood at the back of the church, a man came up and said, “Father, can you help me. I feel like I’m going to drink.” To his surprise, I gave him a hug, told him I am a friend of Bill’s, that he was in the right place and directed him to a noon meeting. I could never have done that without being active in the Fellowship. Today, and every day, I am grateful for the Fellowship and the program that lets me Live.

Grapevine Aug 1961. [As Bill Sees it. 303]
1)     Alcoholics Anonymous. 96.

Séamus D
Séamus is an Episcopal priest in the Diocese of Louisiana