At this point, we are carrying a lot of guilt, a gunnysack filled with the consequences of our drinking. Hurts to our family and our friends, troubles at work. It haunts us and it gets in the way of working other Steps and learning how to live as a sober person free of Mr. Ego. How do we empty this gunnysack? We make a list, but we don’t dwell on its details, but I suppose some do and that’s fine with them. But I suggest a more modest course and take your family for example. No need to detail the hurt you have inflicted on them for believe me, they’ll remember. Repeating a list of your drunken events may aggravate the situation. You probably meant every apology but the next day you welched on the deal and continued your merry alcoholic drinking ways. Your past words of apology meant little or nothing, so this time when you do apologize, tell them you have found a deep new approach if indeed you do mean it: “This time I don’t stand alone.” At the time of a true surrender, you are then backed by your Higher Power and your sponsor and your AA group, they’re all at your side and with their support and your work of these Steps of the Program, you will succeed. Think of your alcoholic behavior, understand your sins as an alcoholic and ask your Higher Power for His forgiveness. A part of this “forgiveness” is to be able to forgive yourself, to move on, not to dwell on the past or jump into that pity-pot. He loves you, always, and will support you if you but reach for Him, so will your Sponsor and AA Group. At first, your family may not understand that, but be patient with them. They, just like you, may start believing that. Remember, your family may also be sick, for your disease may also have twisted their lives in response to your behavior. The Big Book makes a unique point when referring to our drunken sexual sins. Sometimes the pain of resurrecting some of the hurts on that list isn’t appropriate for it’s just too awful. As I said before, we all seek forgiveness from those we’d harmed but we “cannot bring about still more harm in doing so” (Big Book, p 69) just to quell our own ego clothed as your guilt.

And this is important: Talk to your Sponsor about this list-making stuff. Don’t make a list and run around seeking forgiveness. Take it easy. Is an apology really going to help? Maybe ...stop and give it a second thought. “Prove it!” by working the Program now, not tomorrow, and hard day-in, day-out. The truth of your beliefs will be demonstrated with time by showing your changed patterns of life. Gain some self-respect. But by all means remember it’s not, “ready, shoot, aim.”

The joys of Step Ten! Some think the Program is but a way to stop drinking. How wrong can they be! It is that and more for it is intended to be a way of living your life—to be free of the ego that tells you that you are still in charge of your life. You need to seek the aid of your Higher Power in doing so. We’re told in this Step to continue to review how we handle life’s bumps. Do we fight them or accept them and seek His will for the next right steps? We can’t eliminate or stop the bumps, but we can learn to meet them, find what they are, seek help, and follow His direction. He’s there, always, watching you, He’s never asleep and never will rebuke you. But He will suggest ways to deal with those bumps on “His schedule” not yours. Reach for assistance from your Sponsor, your AA home group, and your Higher Power to isolate you from the devil incarnate Mr. Ego.  And this is important: as we put our time into the Program, we may become loose in the way we work it. That’s why we must continue going to meetings and working the Steps. For me, as one confined to assisted living, I like to think of this as having an “AA Contact” of some kind every day, and often every night—a quiet reading, a telephone call, a real USPO letter, writing a meditation, anything—just make every day an “AA Contact Day,” for remember, it only works if you continue to work it.”

Jim A, St X Noon, Cincinnati

March 6, 2024