It’s March and at several meetings we read the step of the month in the 12x12. I know I am deeply connected to step one —I AM powerless over alcohol and so many other things. This is the Surrender step. Step two is my favorite step. I deeply know that a power great than me can restore me to sanity. Otherwise, step one would not be possible for me. Step two is the Hope step. Step three, though, has been a tough one—decided to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as we understood that. This is the Faith step.
As a child in an abusive family, attending a very rigid church, there was no way I was turning myself over to the god I grew up with. That god could hurt me no matter what I did. I could not be good enough in my family. We were asked EVERY night at dinner: What did you do today to justify your existence? You can’t answer that question with just a simple answer. It had to be approved by my father as to whether it counted.
But then I saw that the step asked me to turn my will and my life over to THE CARE of God. Well, that’s a different thing. I understood the idea of trusting others when they would say “Oh, I’ll take care of that” or when I offered to take care of something for someone. It meant that I would receive help and that I didn’t have to worry about it. Most often it worked. So maybe with God it could work even better. This might just be a God who looks out for me and helps. I needed only to plan (often many times a day) to let God take care of my life.
So, this weekend my partner and I went to Willcox, AZ, to see the over 30,000 sand cranes that winter there before they fly back to the Midwest and finally to Minnesota for the summer. We knew it might be a bit late and that many had probably left already but we were up for the adventure.
The first place we were directed to was wrong and took us miles out of our way. I was so bummed. We went back to our motel and after deciding we had been given the wrong directions, we would try again in the morning. The cranes are usually hanging in groups in the morning and then later in the afternoon. Not being early risers, we knew we were taking a chance. But out we went to find them. This time we went the right way and soon were looking at huge marshy pools with many different waterfowl and maybe 5 cranes. My heart sunk. We had driven over a hundred miles and spent a night in a motel to see 5 cranes??
In that moment I was so disappointed. I had wanted to do this trip and see the cranes for several years. I blamed myself for not having come sooner and many other things. It was all my fault! As we drove away from the ponds my partner said he want to stop at a golf course we had passed to use the bathroom. I sat in the car and moped. Then I thanked God for all we had seen in this part of Arizona and tried to let go and relax. Next year we would try again. It was all ok.
When Steve came back to the car, he told me that the woman in the clubhouse had said that that the cranes often were on the course and hung out in ponds next to the course so we went to find that area thinking we could remember it for next year. It was an overcast and cool day, but we could see perhaps 100 cranes in the distance hanging out. I said thank you to my higher power and THEN—looking to the north we saw a huge flock winging its way towards us and then circling and landing with the others, and then another arrived and another and another! They flew over our heads and as best as we could count, well over 1000 cranes flew over and by us for perhaps 30 minutes!
It was so amazing to see them, hear them and watch how they formed themselves in flight. Just when we thought we would see no more another string of cranes would emerge from the clouds and over our heads.
I realized I’d had put the cranes and my seeing them in God’s hands and was gifted the amazing experience of seeing thousands of them. Perhaps the cranes will remind me to make that decision to put my will and my life in THE CARE of the God of my understanding.
