In my sober adult life, I have lived in 5 homes. I moved to my ‘retirement’ home just this past October. Each time I moved I found that the last owners had left lots of stuff in the garage—old paint, gardening sprays, oil, and other toxic stuff. I generally left it there and added to it and then left it for the next owners. When I added to the toxic stuff each time and told myself that the new owners might use the stuff even when I could see that some cans were corroded and were many, many years old. I didn’t throw any of it out because I knew it wasn’t good for the environment. But I didn’t do anything about finding a place to dispose of them properly.
When I sold my home last summer, I decided to have a garage sale to rid myself of unwanted stuff and baggage. I set out all the toxic stuff (including mine) and put a free sign on them. A few things went but I was left with a lot of unsafe and dangerous stuff. I decided I didn’t want to leave this stuff for the next family. I would leave the current paint cans that held the colors that were in my place but not the ones from many years ago along with a dozen other toxic stuff.
I looked up Hazardous Waste places and found that the city I was in had one close by. I packed it all up in boxes and off I went. What a relief! The folks there were friendly and helpful. They did not criticize or judge me for the icky stuff I had. With each thing I gave them I felt lighter and happy to know that my bad stuff would be delt with properly and I would not contribute to harming the environment.
Then I moved and bought another home. On the day I moved I looked in the outdoor storage closet (no garage this time) only to find that the previous owners had left hazardous stuff! I choose to believe that they thought I might want to use it but there was nothing I wanted.
This time would be different! I packed up the stuff and put it my car to take to the hazardous waste place. I would take care of the icky stuff now! I would not leave it for the next family. And then it sat in my car. For months. I even had to take it out to put other things in my car and then put it back in.
I was busy! I had to settle in, get to know the neighbors, find great new AA meetings, get to know the town. So, I drove around with this toxic stuff in my car for months!
Finally, this last week I dealt with it all. Where I live now meant I had to drive 25 miles to the hazardous waste place. I had to use navigation because I didn’t know how to get there on my own. I thought I might have to pay to get rid of the stuff since I live outside the city limits. But I was going to do it!
When I arrived, the person at the gate told me I didn’t have to pay and directed me to the area where I could give up the stuff. Friendly men, just like before, took each thing and then THANKED me for bringing it! I felt so light and happy as I left that I had physically let go of things that were not good for me or anyone else. Used in the correct way they helped but later their use became toxic and had to be disposed of it with help.
It's now the 4th month of the year so I find myself thinking about the 4th step. “Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” and then the 5th step- “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” And the 6th- “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” And the 7th- “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”
My experience with the hazardous waste took me through 4,5,6, and 7! It was a very visceral experience of inventory, admitting the toxicity of the stuff even stuff I inherited, I got ready to remove it, and finally I got the help to do so.
The stuff that others left became my defects because I didn’t deal with them. I let them become part of my mess. Driving around with all that stuff in my car reminded me of holding on to my defects and letting them bother me because I knew I wasn’t dealing with them. Getting help to find a place to take the stuff AND the help I got there to unload it freed me from it.
