Through the Red Door Blog

It’s March and at several meetings we read the step of the month in the 12x12. I know I am deeply connected to step one —I AM powerless over alcohol and so many other things. This is the Surrender step. Step two is my favorite step. I deeply know that a power great than me can restore me to sanity. Otherwise, step one would not be possible for me. Step two is the Hope step. Step three, though, has been a tough one—decided to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as we understood that. This is the Faith step.

As a child in an abusive family, attending a very rigid church, there was no way I was turning myself over to the god I grew up with. That god could hurt me no matter what I did. I could not be good enough in my family. We were asked EVERY night at dinner: What did you do today to justify your existence? You can’t answer that question with just a simple answer. It had to be approved by my father as to whether it counted.

But then I saw that the step asked me to turn my will and my life over to THE CARE of God. Well, that’s a different thing. I understood the idea of trusting others when they would say “Oh, I’ll take care of that” or when I offered to take care of something for someone. It meant that I would receive help and that I didn’t have to worry about it. Most often it worked. So maybe with God it could work even better. This might just be a God who looks out for me and helps. I needed only to plan (often many times a day) to let God take care of my life.

So, this weekend my partner and I went to Willcox, AZ, to see the over 30,000 sand cranes that winter there before they fly back to the Midwest and finally to Minnesota for the summer. We knew it might be a bit late and that many had probably left already but we were up for the adventure.

The first place we were directed to was wrong and took us miles out of our way. I was so bummed. We went back to our motel and after deciding we had been given the wrong directions, we would try again in the morning. The cranes are usually hanging in groups in the morning and then later in the afternoon. Not being early risers, we knew we were taking a chance. But out we went to find them. This time we went the right way and soon were looking at huge marshy pools with many different waterfowl and maybe 5 cranes. My heart sunk. We had driven over a hundred miles and spent a night in a motel to see 5 cranes??

In that moment I was so disappointed. I had wanted to do this trip and see the cranes for several years. I blamed myself for not having come sooner and many other things. It was all my fault! As we drove away from the ponds my partner said he want to stop at a golf course we had passed to use the bathroom. I sat in the car and moped. Then I thanked God for all we had seen in this part of Arizona and tried to let go and relax. Next year we would try again. It was all ok.

When Steve came back to the car, he told me that the woman in the clubhouse had said that that the cranes often were on the course and hung out in ponds next to the course so we went to find that area thinking we could remember it for next year. It was an overcast and cool day, but we could see perhaps 100 cranes in the distance hanging out. I said thank you to my higher power and THEN—looking to the north we saw a huge flock winging its way towards us and then circling and landing with the others, and then another arrived and another and another! They flew over our heads and as best as we could count, well over 1000 cranes flew over and by us for perhaps 30 minutes!

It was so amazing to see them, hear them and watch how they formed themselves in flight. Just when we thought we would see no more another string of cranes would emerge from the clouds and over our heads.

I realized I’d had put the cranes and my seeing them in God’s hands and was gifted the amazing experience of seeing thousands of them. Perhaps the cranes will remind me to make that decision to put my will and my life in THE CARE of the God of my understanding.

In THE BEST OF BILL we read, page 65, “We will cooperate with practically everybody; yet we decline to marry our Society to anyone. We abstain from public controversy and will not quarrel among ourselves about those things that rip society asunder – religion – politics, and reform. We have but one purpose; to carry the AA Message to the sick alcoholic who wants it.” This was written in January of 1955 some twenty years after the founding of the Fellowship. By then they had sufficient experience with the importance of Anonymity. He opened his talk by stating, “As never before the struggle for power, importance, and wealth is tearing civilization apart. Man against man, family against family, group against group, nation against nation.” Today he might add, church against church.

I remember my early days when the tension in our local groups was palpable due to the newcomers from treatment centers, younger people coming into AA and taking about their addiction to drugs, and mental health issues being raised. A letter was read at the beginning of each meeting telling participants to keep the discussion to alcohol resulting in some folks walking out.

Looking back on those times, I don’t think we quarreled. We avoided the topic of addiction vs. alcoholism. Some of us talked about it in the meeting after the meeting at a local restaurant and discussed how we could bridge the divide. Now, some forty-five years later, we continue to state at the beginning that we confine our discussion to alcoholism. However, it is accepted that almost all of us who have been in the program for a long time are dual addicted if not multiple addicted.

Politically, socially, and religiously our world is, once again, being pulled apart. And yet, in the meeting rooms of the Fellowship one would not realize this fact. We have our differences, we are aware of them, but it is our well-being that keeps us together. We are together because we know the dangers of losing our spiritual strengths. We have but one purpose and that is to help the alcoholic who is still suffering. Some of us, due to age related health issues, are suffering and we need the Fellowship to remind us of the strength we have through living the twelve steps.

Bill goes on to say that “To gain enough humility and self-respect to stay alive at all we have to give up what had really been our dearest possession – our ambitions and our illegitimate pride.” Bill does not speak softly. He can’t afford to. People like me deny any ambitions or Pride. I was taught to be humble and to think of myself as being humble. I became proud of my humility and then just outright prideful. I had every right to be proud. I was good at what I did. But Bill was talking about illegitimate pride; the kind that kills people like me and destroys the possibility of healthy relationships.

There are, today, people I want to take aside and educate them as to why they should not vote one way or another. I want to point out the failures of this or that person and why the person I support is the best of a bad lot. It’s my responsibility to make sure that all voters are educated before they vote. But that has no place inside the halls of the Fellowship. That has no place in a sponsor- sponsee relationship. It has no place in conversation unless those involved are sufficiently respectful of one another that they can agree to disagree. “…AA would always depend on our continued willingness to sacrifice our personal ambitions and desires for the common safety and welfare.”

After a few years in the Fellowship, I no longer consider it a sacrifice to put aside that which I think I need. Rather it is more a responsibility to be present to the individual, the group, and AA as a whole. It is a responsibility to be present for others and I can’t do that when I want what I want.

This brings me full circle; I am powerless over people, places, and things and when I think I’m in control my life has become unmanageable, I need help, God help me. My role in AA and, frankly, in other places, is to share my experience, strength and hope and give others the space and the respect to share theirs. Stories bring us together. Opinions divide and destroy. So, I keep it simple, “Do justice, Love mercy, and walk humbly with your God [as you understand God].

At this point, we are carrying a lot of guilt, a gunnysack filled with the consequences of our drinking. Hurts to our family and our friends, troubles at work. It haunts us and it gets in the way of working other Steps and learning how to live as a sober person free of Mr. Ego. How do we empty this gunnysack? We make a list, but we don’t dwell on its details, but I suppose some do and that’s fine with them. But I suggest a more modest course and take your family for example. No need to detail the hurt you have inflicted on them for believe me, they’ll remember. Repeating a list of your drunken events may aggravate the situation. You probably meant every apology but the next day you welched on the deal and continued your merry alcoholic drinking ways. Your past words of apology meant little or nothing, so this time when you do apologize, tell them you have found a deep new approach if indeed you do mean it: “This time I don’t stand alone.” At the time of a true surrender, you are then backed by your Higher Power and your sponsor and your AA group, they’re all at your side and with their support and your work of these Steps of the Program, you will succeed. Think of your alcoholic behavior, understand your sins as an alcoholic and ask your Higher Power for His forgiveness. A part of this “forgiveness” is to be able to forgive yourself, to move on, not to dwell on the past or jump into that pity-pot. He loves you, always, and will support you if you but reach for Him, so will your Sponsor and AA Group. At first, your family may not understand that, but be patient with them. They, just like you, may start believing that. Remember, your family may also be sick, for your disease may also have twisted their lives in response to your behavior. The Big Book makes a unique point when referring to our drunken sexual sins. Sometimes the pain of resurrecting some of the hurts on that list isn’t appropriate for it’s just too awful. As I said before, we all seek forgiveness from those we’d harmed but we “cannot bring about still more harm in doing so” (Big Book, p 69) just to quell our own ego clothed as your guilt.

And this is important: Talk to your Sponsor about this list-making stuff. Don’t make a list and run around seeking forgiveness. Take it easy. Is an apology really going to help? Maybe ...stop and give it a second thought. “Prove it!” by working the Program now, not tomorrow, and hard day-in, day-out. The truth of your beliefs will be demonstrated with time by showing your changed patterns of life. Gain some self-respect. But by all means remember it’s not, “ready, shoot, aim.”

The joys of Step Ten! Some think the Program is but a way to stop drinking. How wrong can they be! It is that and more for it is intended to be a way of living your life—to be free of the ego that tells you that you are still in charge of your life. You need to seek the aid of your Higher Power in doing so. We’re told in this Step to continue to review how we handle life’s bumps. Do we fight them or accept them and seek His will for the next right steps? We can’t eliminate or stop the bumps, but we can learn to meet them, find what they are, seek help, and follow His direction. He’s there, always, watching you, He’s never asleep and never will rebuke you. But He will suggest ways to deal with those bumps on “His schedule” not yours. Reach for assistance from your Sponsor, your AA home group, and your Higher Power to isolate you from the devil incarnate Mr. Ego.  And this is important: as we put our time into the Program, we may become loose in the way we work it. That’s why we must continue going to meetings and working the Steps. For me, as one confined to assisted living, I like to think of this as having an “AA Contact” of some kind every day, and often every night—a quiet reading, a telephone call, a real USPO letter, writing a meditation, anything—just make every day an “AA Contact Day,” for remember, it only works if you continue to work it.”

Jim A, St X Noon, Cincinnati

March 6, 2024

“Miracles were all good way back when,” said the man just holding on, “but I think God is no longer in the miracle business.” I understood but disagreed.

I was there when he first entered the rooms of AA. I remembered his glossy eyes, puffy face, and shaking hands. I could still hear his tales of excessive drinking, shattered relationships, and frequent thoughts about calling it quits. With each fingernail-grabbing step, I marveled at how, with God’s help, this man was climbing out of the pit of despair and becoming the new creation St. Paul described long ago. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see it.

It reminded me how often I’ve been blind to God’s miraculous work. So often, the fog of my daily life settles in and prevents me from seeing the grace-filled landscape surrounding me. It causes me to question my path and whether God is with me at all. When the pressure at work squeezes tight, a child brings up a past mistake, or I begin singing my often-used shame-based refrains, the fog settles in. Like my friend, I’m no longer able to see the miracles surrounding me.

The blind see, the lame walk, if we have eyes to see. Our desire to walk on water prevents us from seeing that we’re walking on vodka. A modern-day miracle. Thanks be to God.

I have always been a person who marked life events with something tangible. It could be as simple as a new dress, a book to remind me, a souvenir of somewhere I visited. When I looked at the items I have collected, I would be taken back to the event or place and remember.

Sobriety is marked often with coins, and I have many. For me though I have marked the change and growth I have found in being sober with jewelry. My great grandfather was a jeweler and I worked in jewelry stores in college. I thought about becoming a jeweler myself once.

I wanted to mark my journey in sobriety and spiritual growth. When I had one month without drinking, I bought a hollow gold bead and put it on a chain. It was a way to mark the month and I wanted another bead, so it helped me stay sober that month and the month after and the one after! I bought another one each month until I was sober for two years—24 gold beads. I loved my necklace and wore it often.

After the two years, I changed what I did to mark my days and months of sobriety. I marked the years instead of the months, often with some simple jewelry. Some years it was something like a ring that had inlays of turquoise that matched the number of years I had and one year it was a ring with February’s birthstone—amethyst, for the month I got sober.

Years after it had been two years of sobriety, I was sitting in a meeting one day. I was excited to share that I was having a yearly anniversary. While I was waiting to speak, I noticed that I was wearing the necklace with 24 gold beads. Tears came to my eyes. It was my time to speak. “I am celebrating 24 YEARS of sobriety today”. I told them about my first 24 months and how I had bought the beads each month, never imagining that one day at a time, one bead at a time I would have 24 years! Time takes time I had learned, and it passes in the present moments of life. Change takes time and I found I had arrived in that place by learning, and sharing, and making and keeping the changes that would support my sober spiritual journey.

I started to buy beads again and have bought a bead for every year that I have continued to not drink one day at a time. Now my necklace has 34 beads on it. The gift of sobriety is all the moments I have connected to spirit and been able to share my sobriety with others. Thank you.

This is an excerpt from my book God Shots, Libbie S.

In his book THE RETURN OF THE PRODIGAL SON, Henri Nouwen writes, “At times this dark voice is so strong that I need enormous spiritual energy to trust that the Father wants me home as much as he does the youngest son. It requires a real discipline to step over my chronic complaint and to think, speak, and act with the conviction that I am being sought and will be found. Without such discipline, I become prey to self-perpetuating hopelessness.” *

“God loves you.” I can’t think of the number of times I said that to others and watched them tear up as it finally got through to them that they were worthwhile.

My problem was that I did not believe God loved me. I was a priest. I was drinking and periodically using drugs. On the outside I looked normal. Internally I was like a cave filled with ashes, pools of water, dank, dark, and had no idea as to what to do about it.

When advised to go to therapy, I did. I told the therapist what he or she wanted to hear and what I wanted them to hear. I was deemed to be “sound.” That was cause for a celebration, a drink. One can’t celebrate without a drink.

I remember only too clearly when I slipped one rung of the moral ladder. Before too long, I slipped another rung, and another. Then this became my new normal, properly excused as “everyone does this” but I knew that was not true.

One by one the lightbulbs went out on the inside. God could not love me. I didn’t love myself. The night of my thirtieth birthday I drank all night and cried that I had no home, no wife, no children. I had nothing to show for my life. What I was failing to see was my vocation as a priest as being worthwhile.

I participated in leadership in retreats I don’t remember as I was in a blackout. I talked about a loving, kind, forgiving, compassionate god. He or She was not my God. My god was going to punish me one day. My weekly flights to one city or another were a nightmare. I just knew we were going to crash, and I was going to hell. I repeated the act of contrition until Jack Daniels renewed my spirits and all was going to be okay. But it wasn’t. I did not “trust that the Father wants me home as much as he does the youngest son.” I could not trust that. As far as I was concerned, I was in a living hell of an existence, I was like a duck in a lake, calm but paddling fast under the surface. I was drowning in my own self-pity and awareness of my own sinfulness. How could god love me?

Looking back to my participation in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I realize that God—my Higher Power—had been pushing me toward A.A. from the time I began drinking. Initially, I was helping A.A. in Dublin (Ireland) to find meeting places. Working with adolescences brought me into a new world of addiction. I came to the United States and found myself again working with young adults with alcohol and drug problems. I took university courses in addiction and not once did I see myself in any of the profiles.

One day I found myself at the door of my boss’s office saying I thought I had a drinking problem. Two months later, in a staff meeting, I said I wanted to go to treatment. In neither of these situations had I planned to say what I said.

I did not come into the Fellowship willingly. It took just over four years of a dry drunk, white knuckling it, before I acknowledged “I am powerless over alcohol.” It took a while longer to admit “my life has become unmanageable.           

I learned that recovery “requires a real discipline to step over my chronic complaint and to think, speak, and act with the conviction that I am being sought and will be found.”

A real honest fourth and fifth step cleared the way, opened the door to seeing myself as a human being with character defects, and in need of a good hug. Internally I was able to look back, not in anger, but in thanksgiving, for the grace given to me to live while I was dying.

Steps eight through twelve became my discipline. “Without such discipline, I become prey to self-perpetuating hopelessness.” Read the Big Book. Go to meetings. Get a sponsor. Prayer and Meditation—the maintenance of our spiritual condition. “I’m Séamus. I’m an alcoholic. Thank God for those words of freedom. Thank God for the discipline of recovery.

Séamus D
A retired Episcopal priest in the New Orleans diocese.

*The Return Of The Prodigal Son – Heni J. Nouwen.

Step One: “Powerlessness and unmanageability.” Ask yourself—now be honest, “Am I powerless over whether I’ll take that first drink?” I was powerless. I knew I would. I was drinking too much. I’d watch my friends, they could have two drinks and stop, but I couldn’t do that.

We must see this as a crossroads—to drink or not to drink, that’s the question—it’s that simple. We must see drink’s dead end and decide whether we select its path or the path of life.

Step Two: Yet we know as did Christ, that we are all sinners and that as alcoholics we may honestly mean that “I quit” one day but maybe not the next. We need help and Step Two hits that dead on, for it calls us to look to a “Power greater than ourselves to retore us to sanity.” We proved we can’t do it alone. We must reach for our Higher Power’s hand, Christ’s hand. We reach for that at an AA meeting, for our sponsor, the Big Book, for the others who have walked on this path. They can help us because that’s the very essence of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Christ and AA people will walk with you. And you will be welcomed just as Christ welcomed the man on the Cross on that first Good Friday.

Step 3: I “made a decision” to turn “my life over” to God—unconditionally, not temporarily, not just for today, not just until people get off our backs—unconditionally, like a defeated nation in war surrenders on the battlefield, just as that headline should read,

“....Unconditionally Surrenders.”

When we do so, we are surrendering our ego. No more are we to look to it for guidance. Our ego is what brought us to this point. If we “turn it over,” if we but surrender, we’ll not be alone.

I’ve talked with alcoholics right at this point in their lives—right at that “White Light point” —that same point Bill W saw as he lay on that hospital bed. The question becomes, “What are you going to do about it?” Yes, we surrender, then what? And you know deep down it isn’t going to happen without assistance—and your present assistant, Mr. Ego, is destroying you, for he in the past has stopped your efforts to avoid drink. But he still sits and waits. Mr. Ego knows he has a chance to win you back. Your struggle with him doesn’t end there, so accept this Program of action.

The Program of AA thunders into action if we now reach for its assistance and take the last next several Steps. This raw newbie will find that AA is a program of action and practicality. The Big Book tells us in detail what’s next in Steps Four through Nine, or as some would say, “How do we in the Program learn to stop that next drink, reach some peace, remain sober, and rid myself of all those past ghosts?”

And yet, and yet Christ knew we were sinners and Bill and Dr. Bob also knew that, for they had “gone back out.” The next Steps tell us how to fight that…

Jim A, St X Noon, Cincinnati, 2-7-24

A saint, I believe, might be someone whose life’s work and witness continue to affect the lives of others after their death. Hoping to achieve one thing by their life’s work, their work might instead unexpectedly inspire another. Such describes the life, witness, and ministry of Sam Shoemaker, who, although not called a “saint” in the traditional sense, is listed among the holy men and holy women of the Episcopal Church. And well he should be. Without him my life, and the lives of countless others in recovery would be very different! His feast day is January 31.

It's no exaggeration to say that without him it’s likely that recovery as we know it would not exist. There might not have been an AA, Al-Anon, or any other Twelve-Step fellowship. His work, witness, and ministry laid the groundwork for AA and through it, for the other fellowships. What he did fundamentally altered my life, even though both he and his work were completely unknown to me when I entered recovery in 1988. I was also hardly aware of AA, let alone Bill W. and Dr. Bob. Even so, the recovery program which Shoemaker inspired and nurtured was there when I needed it. Through Bill W, Dr. Bob, and the early AAs as the vehicles of God’s grace and mercy, Shoemaker exerted a profound influence on the course and direction of both my life and the lives of others. 

To paraphrase the author of Ephesians, Shoemaker’s life’s work, ministry, and witness were offerings, pleasing to God, whose fragrance spread abroad through the lives of the early AAs into the lives of countless others. While other spiritual movements arose during the Twentieth Century, for millions the most significant one was arguably the Twelve-Step movement spawned by AA. All of those fellowships arose from Shoemaker’s fostering of Oxford movement groups both in this country, in Canada, and at his parish in New York City. He was the midwife and spiritual inspiration for the original two Oxford meetings of alcoholics from which AA arose. 

Ironically, Shoemaker probably never intended that his life’s work spawn either AA or the Twelve-Step movement. Focused, instead, on church renewal, he and his mentor, Frank Buchman, the founder of the Oxford group movement, fostered that renewal through the formation of Oxford group meetings throughout North America. He, therefore, probably never intended to inspire a group of drunks to use an Oxford group meeting as their model to create the makings of AA in 1935. But ironically that seems to be how God’s Spirit, which blows unpredictably where it will, creates surprising effects! 

Shoemaker’s efforts with the Oxford group movement began in 1925, when the vestry of Calvary Episcopal Church, New York City, called him as their rector. Hoping to revive the parish by applying methods he’d learned from Frank Buchman, Shoemaker saw parish participation and membership increase. Despite the onset of the Great Depression four years later, he led the parish to build a multi-story building, the Calvary House, next to the sanctuary to provide housing for the church offices, for the Oxford group movement’s activities, and for the church staff. More importantly for the emergence of AA, he encouraged the parish to refurbish a rundown Calvary Mission which served unemployed street people and the homeless. Many were alcoholics such as Ebby Thatcher, who through that mission, not only became a parish member, but also led Bill Wilson to join an Oxford group meeting at the church. That meeting consisted of leading men from the parish who were struggling with alcoholism. Later calling themselves the “Alcoholic Squad”, their Oxford group evolved into one of the first of two meetings of alcoholics which became AA. The other, also originally an Oxford group meeting and the one in which Dr. Bob and wife, Anne, were participants, was in Akron, OH. Shoemaker nurtured and encouraged both.  

From Shoemaker, the men in the “Alcoholic Squad” learned the core of what would become AA’s self-understanding—the Steps. Later reflecting on Shoemaker’s influence, Bill Wilson honored Shoemaker by calling him AA’s “cofounder” and crediting Shoemaker with being the source of “most of the principles” and “spiritual keys” of AA, such as self-examination, admission of character defects, restitution for harms done, working with others and prayer and meditation. 

A Prayer

Merciful God, we give you thanks for Sam Shoemaker whose work inspired the founding of AA and the Twelve Step movement and whose life, witness, and ministry, by enabling our recovery, have immeasurably enriched our lives; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit, are one God, now and forever, Amen.

I am an organized person. My father would say: “A place for everything and everything in its place”. I like my life orderly and predictable—at least I think I do but I know I often fail and then try to wrestle my life into the order I want. It’s really about control. I want everything to go the way I want.

Recently, I heard someone relate a story about a friend who was very controlling, especially around events that they were responsible for at work. I too had been responsible for many years for large events and would get totally stressed out and irritable thinking that would ensure that the event went off with no mistakes or problems. I made the experience not very enjoyable for all the people I worked with and even many guests.

The person shared with me that their friend wanted to let go of the overly controlling way they were and so asked God to help. The prayer was: “Please surprise me”. What they were asking for was to let go of the outcome and trust. Trust that God would take care of the event and that it wasn’t all up to the planner. The surprise would be to leave room for a—well—surprise!

So, I recently tried the prayer. I had a very important meeting with someone I cared about. We had hurt each other badly over several years and were meeting to try to make amends and apologies to each other. I knew what I hoped for. I wanted to listen and to share myself without expectations of how it would all turn out. I sat in my car before the meeting and meditated. Just before I got out of the car, I said out loud: “God, Please, surprise me, thank you”.

We were to meet for an hour or so. It turned into 5 hours of real connection and deep sharing of so many things. We both took responsibility for the hurt we each had contributed to the breach in our relationship. We talked and walked and even had lunch together. It was a miracle, a God Shot experience. We hugged as we said goodbye knowing that we were open to a new kind of friendship.

As I got to my car, I realized that I had been given my surprise! I had forgotten all about my prayer from earlier in the day and all I knew was that a surprise miracle had happened and I said again, “Thank you”.

At a recent 12-Step meeting the topic was New Year resolutions. As I thought about the topic, I first felt guilty, because I had not made any or even thought about it. But then I remembered all the broken resolutions I have made over the years. What I have learned in my recovery is that I cannot resolve to do anything to change myself. I do not have the will or strength to bring about the desired changes in my life.

So what, do I just give up making myself a better person, or trying to stop bad behavior?

My understanding of change comes from 12-Step recovery and scripture. I have learned that most change happens slowly and involves struggle. If I want to change any aspect of my life, I need to follow the principles of the 12 Steps—first surrender and trust God, then a willingness to examine my issue and why I have it, then a confession to God and another person—but there is more. There is a process of becoming willing to finally let it go. And then when I fully realize I do not have the power to bring about this change, I humbly ask God to remove it. That is when God does for me what I could not do for myself.

This long painful struggle is designed into humanity. When God rescued Israel there was a lengthy process of back and forth between Moses and Pharoah and it was not until there was this long terrible struggle that they were finally set free.

Joseph had to go through his brothers trying to kill him, and then live as a slave, then as a prisoner for something he did not do. Through this long painful struggle Joseph was used by God to keep his people safe and deliver them from a terrible famine.

God is at work in our struggles to bring about healing. Change is happening in my life all the time and when I am struggling, I know it is because God is doing a good work in me. I will be better for it on the other side. I just need to be patient and trust.

After all, our ultimate deliverance came after an exceptionally long wait, then a bloody and painful death and resurrection. Awful but also magnificent.

Our world is in a struggle right now that requires some momentous change. The change will come I believe, but not until we have gone through the terrible struggle. All good things have come through pain and struggle—but they do always come. I do not like it, but I trust it.

Blessings to you in the new year as you struggle with the changes you seek in life.

God’s peace
Ed T.